Fifty years on, the best business sedan 5 has us wondering
The BMW 5 series has been with us for fifty years now. Revealed in ’72 and launched in South Africa two years later, I will never forget the first, post Neue Klasse BMW as an impressionable car-mad fourteen-year old. I’ve long been a fan, owned a few and always regarded the Five as the middle-exec industry standard. More than anything because of that eternal ‘sheer driving pleasure’.
All of which makes this newest and very latest BMW Five a bit of a conundrum for us, half a century on. As brilliant as may be, it makes us wonder if Munich is losing its mojo. Why is BMW forcing a whole lot of nonsense that few of us want, on the people who should really want to buy one of these? Hopefully this test will help you understand our concerns…
The most dynamic BMW 5 Series yet?
The most dynamic BMW 5 Series yet features a wealth of digital innovation and now even an all-electric model for the first time in some markets. BMW reckons the new 5 takes the lead in sustainable premium mobility through advanced new BMW ‘QuickSelect’ iDrive, digital services, and enhanced life cycle sustainability. Somehow, we’re not so sure.
The latest interpretation of the classic 5-series ‘twin headlight’ (more smoke and mirrors) and now LED glow BMW kidney grille fit the bill. It even has the numeral 5 embossed in the signature BMW C-pillar Hoffmeister Kink, in case you can’t figure what it is from the side.
As it happens in the car industry, the Five has grown again. 97 mm longer at an almost truck-length 5,060 millimetres, 32 mm wider, and 36 mm taller, it rides on a 2 cm longer wheelbase.
Fatness has its 5 advantages
Fatter dimensions have their advantages, of course. Like more room inside. For more luxury, comfort and driving pleasure. Be that every day or on the long road. To that end, BMW has also built ‘better’ functionality, further improved acoustic comfort. And used highest-quality ‘precision’ materials, fine workmanship as it also crammed a whole lot of advanced digital services into the new Five.
Munich boasts that it has a significantly reduced number of buttons and controls compared to the previous 5 Series. It brags that it is improving its cars by consistently digitalising functions. Which is where we fall off the bus. Or has BMW fallen off the bus? It certainly all looks the part. But does it work?
In a word, no. Like several other carmakers, BMW has forgotten that we are mere humans who drive and ride their cars. Instead of worrying about us, and how we fit in with the car, they’ve rather tried to win the high tech battle. In a vain attempt to out-smart Mercedes, Audi and the rest down a dastardly buttonless digital bunny hole. Instead of improving the car, all this crap just destroys any semblance of man-to-car interface.
BMW has tossed buttons down the bunny hole
They’ve replaced all the buttons, sliders, switches and knobs that have worked so well for half a century in all the Fives until now. In their place we now have phone-like touch and swipe functions. And steering buttons that we gave up on trying to understand after a week. Never mind, voice functions that hardly understood me or my accent. So I was lost in this car. And so likely will you be.
Sure, the 12.3-inch Information and a 14.9-inch Control Displays are beautiful. And all those little sliders and things look just the part and fit right in with the minimalist theme. But they do not work. And it’s made this car beyond confusing and sickeningly complicated to operate. It even takes the driver’s attention way off the road ahead to operate. So it’s downright dangerous too.
Which is why the Euro NCAP has stepped in. And will hopefully reverse this shocking, industry-wide scourge by insisting on buttons and knobs in order for cars to qualify for those five vital safety stars in future.
Deep down, the latest 5 is actually brilliant
This astounding digital disaster sadly mars an otherwise brilliant latest 5 Series effort. No matter how much they try talk these woke touch-sensitive backlit crystalline surfaces up, we want our buttons back! All that aside, Our M-Packed nurse habit grey 520d sat us in splendid vegan (no, really!) power comfort seats and the fine luxury you’d expect from the world’s most successful business sedan.
5 of course also boasts a ‘safety net’ of meddling systems. It quite literally has the kitchen sink in there. They comprise an alphabet soup of cyber nannies and policemen. To keep even the worst drivers safe on the road. All that also happens to castrate the wonderful beast lurking beneath.
Happily however, even if it took us a while to figure out that simply selecting Sport turns most of the safety systems off, we were rewarded by a quite brilliant chassis all on its lonesome. This latest intelligent lightweight construction shell delivers best-ever 5 Series rigidity. Longest in class wheelbase, increased track widths and typically poised 50:50 front to rear mass distribution add to a splendid bareback driving experience.
New Five is quicker. A bit thirstier too.
We also found the new 520d to be quite a bit quicker than before and well into the sixes to 100 km/h on our trusty VBox. It should be, considering it has 5 more kilowatts at the same 400 Nm as before. But it’s a little thirstier now, and emits more carbons. Which made us wonder.
So, all in all, the latest BMW 5 Series is more than just a bit of a conundrum. Sure, it’s the ultimate evolution of a fifty-year old masterpiece in so many ways. But BMW has also ignored that mere humans must live with and drive its cars as it rather worries about winning a facile high tech feud that has in reality made it, and many of its rival’s cars almost impossible to live with. And that’s a huge concern. – Michele Lupini
ROAD TESTED: BMW 520d M Sport
Engine: 145 kW 400 Nm 1995cc turbodiesel I4
Drive: 8-speed automatic RWD
TESTED:
0-60 km/h: 3.09 sec
0-100km/h: 6.86 sec
0-120 km/h: 9.82 sec
0-160 km/h: 18.40 sec
400m: 15.0 sec @ 147km/h
80-120km/h: 5.07 sec
120-160 km/h: 8.58 sec
CLAIMED:
VMax: 233 km/h
Fuel: 5.6 l/100km
CO2: 147 g/km
Range: 1050 km
Warranty/Service: 2y Unl./5y 100K km
LIST PRICE: R1.248M
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